The Church As Family System & Attachment Theory

The Church As Family System & Attachment Theory

In our group discussion tonight, our break-out group, we discussed how unmet childhood needs just tend to come back up over and over again as we interact with other humans or try to understand our own reactions to life events. The ways we interact with "needs" and with other humans are generally established in pre-verbal stages in our lives, before 10-Years Old, mostly before 5-Years old. 

We bring these pre-verbal unmet needs with us as we grow through life, and then circle back to those dynamics when we enter marriages, friendships, and organizations (churches, jobs, even hobby groups). 

Family Systems 

The Family Systems approach takes the ways families develop into roles and applies that to organizations (churches, jobs, etc.). This demonstrates the people re-living the roles of their upbringing in new situations with new people. For more on this see:

• YouTube: Complex Dynamical Systems with Warren S. Brown

• YouTube: The Church As Family System with Cameron Lee (and others)

• YouTube: Discussion on Family Systems and The Church: Tod Bolsinger and Cameron Lee. “Friedman.” Interview by Kutter Callaway. Zoom, 30 November 2021.

• Book: Creech, Robert. Family Systems and Congregational Life: A Map for Ministry. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2019.

• Book: Shitama, Jack. Anxious Church, Anxious People: How to Lead Change in an Age of Anxiety. Earleville, Maryland: Claris Works Inc, 2018.

• Book: Friedman, Edwin H. Generation to Generation : Family Process in Church and Synagogue. New York : The Guilford Press, 1985.

Attachment Theory

I was saying that if you bring "Attachment Theory" into the equation, it becomes a second key to unlocking what's happening in a group dynamic. Whether it is the pastor, boss, group leader, volunteer baseball coach, or Dungeon Master (DM for DnD), the same childhood things work themselves out over and over. 

So, if I find myself confused or agitated in a group, I can ask myself (1) what role in the family system and what attachment style am I bringing to this, and (2) what role and attachment style are the people I'm in conflict with bringing to this? 

Attachment Theory was new to a few, so I said I would provide some links that I found helpful when learning about it:

• YouTube: Attachment Theory (Playlist) by Heidi Priebe 

• Blog: Saul McLeod. “Attachment Theory In Psychology Explained.” Psych Blog. Simply Psychology, 17 January 2024. https://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment.html.

• Book (and website assessment): Yerkovich, Milan, and Kay Yerkovich. How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage. Expanded Edition. Colorado Springs, Colorado: WaterBrook, 2017. https://howwelove.com/.

• My Google Photos album of images I found that help talk about the concept "Attachment Theory..." This was especially helpful because most models use "Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant", but the fourth style gets a lot of names, depending on who's working their version of the model! 

 

Shalom שָׁלוֹם: Live Long and Prosper!

Darrell Wolfe

Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant | Freelancer | Bible Nerd *Written withs some editing and research assistance from ChatGPT-4o